Thanks to this little orthodontic odyssey I allowed myself to be talked into, I am now on day 11 of what can only be described as unusual and erratic eating.
Basically, I can’t bite or chew. OK, I can bite and chew, but not very well, and it’s not exactly comfortable to do either.
So since Feb. 16, I have basically subsisted on mashed potatoes, burritos, ice cream, beer and coffee. And since Wednesday, when I happened to notice them in the produce aisle, bananas. I think I’ve had six bananas in the 36 hours since that fateful discovery.
Don’t get me wrong. All of these items are worthwhile in their own way, but I miss the days when I could simply roll into, say, A&W — I was working on a story in Sweet Home yesterday, home of the last real A&W around here (more on that tomorrow) — order a burger and fries and be completely satisfied. Or pull into any store and buy a bag of jerky and a bag of potato chips.
A bit of irony is that unless I mention my situation — and I suppose all of my complaining counts as mentioning it — no one I’m around even knows I’m even undergoing any kind of orthodontic treatment. Unlike the first go-round 35 years ago, the braces are this time only on my bottom teeth, which are not visible to the public unless I undertake a special effort to make them so.
Of course, if I made that effort, the result would also be a good look at the hole where that front bottom tooth used to be prior to last Friday’s trip to the oral surgeon. That sore, blank space is another impediment to eating.
City editor Karen Petersen suggested I put actual meals into a blender, mash them up and drink them.
“The only thing I’m consuming that comes out of a blender is a milkshake or a margarita,” I said.
Sounds like a future dinner combo to me.
Oh well, things could be worse. For example, I keep reminding myself that I do have a mouth full of healthy teeth and that this treatment adventure should ensure dental health for the rest of my life.
And a year from now — hope my weight is still measured in three digits then — I’ll just look back at that trail of potato and banana peels and laugh.