Signs

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind

Do this, don’t do that — can’t you read the sign?

– Five Man Electrical Band

Riding my motorcycle to work Tuesday morning, I approached the intersection of Independence Highway and Highway 20 and found myself behind a large, utility-type truck.

Prominently affixed to some of the ironwork in its bed was a large sign that read, “Construction vehicle. Do not follow.”

What am I supposed to do? I wondered. Just turn around and head back home?

That wasn’t realistic, so I did the next best thing, at least according to the sign: As soon as I turned onto Highway 20 — or more accurately, as I was turning — I accelerated past the truck and tucked in in front of it, its image getting rapidly smaller in my rear-view mirrors as I took advantage of an excuse to tap into the bike’s acceleration capabilities.

Before doing so, however, I took notice of another sign — the one back at the intersection that cautions motorists turning left from Independence Highway, “Right-turning vehicles may block view.” I thought the same think I always think when I see that sign, as I do several times a week: A huge warning sign might block your view, too.

Sorry I can’t show you any pics of those signs — as I said, I was on my bike, and it would’ve been tough to take off my gloves and fish my phone out of my jacket pocket — but I can show you a couple other photos.

The first is of a sign I encountered at a little store in Millersburg on my way to a baseball game. Before leaving work, I’d forgotten to consume the most important component of my pregame meal — 800 milligrams of ibuprofen — so I dropped into the store to see if it had any (it did, at the not-exactly-bargain-basement price of 0.25 cents per milligram — that’s 2 bucks for four 200-milligram pills, in case you didn’t have a calculator handy; but I figured small price to pay for actually feeling more or less loose and pain-free).

Anyway, here’s the sign; I thought this was fairly amusing, enough so that I went to the trouble of moving the propped-open front door to photograph it:

And then on Saturday night, as the Beavers were holding on for their 29-27 win at No. 9 Arizona, the Versus television network showed why it’s important to have proofreaders, or at least use spell check. Nice try, guys:

If I ever have to shift careers and become a penitentiary guard, I’d like to work at a comaprison. The inmates would likely be a lot easier to control.