As some of you know, for four largely ridiculous years I served as the Democrat-Herald’s food editor.

Seldom has anyone been less qualified for anything.

To clarify: Coordinating and editing the weekly food page was only part of my job at that time, 1999 to 2003. I had lots of other duties too. But the food gig is the one that sort of stands out, mainly because I was so spectacularly miscast in the role.

For one thing, I have no sense of smell, meaning I have only a minimal sense of taste and thus rely heavily on appearance when deciding if I like something. When I mentioned once to my son Bob, now 23, that “I taste with my eyes,” he immediately thought we should turn that into a T-shirt slogan. I agree, it would make a pretty cool shirt if we could line up the right artist to provocatively yet tastefully illustrate it. Anyone interested into going into the T-shirt biz with us?

Btw, I don’t taste just with my eyes. I also lean considerably on texture — mushy, slimy, gelatinesque need not apply — and from a flavor standpoint, grease and salt are my two favorite food groups. Oatmeal (in the form of cookies, of course)  is good too. And beer.

Anyway, these days my only contact with our now semi-regular food page is only fleeting, as it was Tuesday afternoon when city editor Karen Petersen asked me to proof the page she had put together. That I could do, though I really don’t enjoy reading recipes. The meals and snacks I make for myself don’t exactly require recipes, so I just don’t have much affinity for them.

The story on the page Karen had laid out was written by Amanda Robbins and previewed an international food festival scheduled for this weekend at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Albany. For more information on the three-day fest, which sounds pretty cool, call the church at 541-926-1449.

Myself, I’m really not much for non-American cuisine, with a few exceptions. I like bratwurst and sauerkraut, which I guess are German. I love french fries, which I realize are only nominally international. And I very much enjoy what Taco Time dishes up that pretends to be Mexican food (real Mexican food is too authentic for my permanently 12-year-old eating habits).

I do, however, love Italian food, well equipped as it often is with grease and salt; pasta is pretty killer in my eyes, too.

With that, here is this week’s list, my Top 7 Italian foods (Italian is one of the varieties at the St. Mary’s festival, incidentally):

1. Pizza. My favorite pizza joint in Albany is the downtown Ciddici’s, where I estimate I have eaten 900 times (I am not kidding). I am also partial to Mendi’s in Independence, but probably my favorite pizza place of all time is Pietro’s. Old people like me will remember when both Albany and Corvallis had a Pietro’s. There’s still one in Salem, and in my hometown of Milwaukie

2) Calzone. Whenever I went to Mazzi’s in Corvallis and didn’t order pizza, I had calzone, which is basically a cheese- and sausage-filled turnover. Alas, Mazzi’s left Corvallis maybe 15 years ago. There’s still a Mazzi’s in Eugene, but I don’t get to Eugene much.

3) Focaccia bread. Fantastic, chewy texture and a magical grease-salt blend make this a special treat for me.

4) Tortellini. Little pasta bullets — again, great texture — filled with sausage (or other stuff, but I prefer sausage) get the nod over …

5) Ravioli. The canned stuff is basically inedible to me at this point, but the kind that you buy and boil is quite solid. I can eat it with Ragu, or just plain.

6) Fettucini alfredo. Would probably rank higher but for what seems an inconsistency in the alfredo sauce. When the sauce is good, the noodle dish is great. When the sauce isn’t so good, my dog dines Italian that night.

7) Lasagna. A caveat: If you cook lasagna using either ricotta or, worse yet, cottage cheese, please don’t make this should you ever invite me to your  house for dinner. Remember “I taste with my eyes?” The sight of either of those cheeses nearly makes me hurl; they really don’t look like something a human being should ingest. But if you can omit those and go heavy on lasagna noodles and mozzarella cheese, with a sprinkling of crumbled sausage for additional grease/salt purposes, then by all means count me in.